10 September 2010


autumn breeze the dry spiral of old songs


6 comments:

  1. moving heartache within perfection of one phrase that wounds gently

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  2. This poem and the one below exhibit the high art of artlessness, Mark. Really beautiful.

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  3. When I read it first, "autumn breeze dry spiral of old songs" v.s now "dry spiral of old songs autumn breeze", i noticed a change in the mood as the phrase ends on a high note "breeze"/ still as perfect as ever with its sweet sadness yet i prefer the first version/ maybe your first version struck a cord with my melancholic mood/ whichever way, keep on writing darling poet.

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  4. Thank you, Brian, and thank you, Anonymous, for your attentive and sensitive readings. Greatly appreciated.

    The two versions of this poem have been eddying around in my mind - like the few dry leaves that prompted it - for well over an hour as I try to write this reply.

    I did change the word order - I think intentionally to make this haiku and the one below echo each other in rhythm - but by doing so I may have lost something from this poem.

    I'm not sure it's physically possible to step back AND look more closely at something ... but thanks, Anonymous, for helping me try to. I will restore the original version.

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  5. Thanks for stopping by, Liam, appreciate it!

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