30 August 2009


small hours
each tent flapping 
its own snore


5 comments:

  1. :0)
    Been there! Add a skunk wandering into the tent and it describes my favorite camping story.
    nice precise, elegant, smiley way to start my Monday! Thanks.

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  2. Thank you, Karen.
    (By the way, I have expanded this one into haiku form since Karen left her comment. At that time it was a single line -
    each tent flapping its own snore
    Preferences?)

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  3. Hi Mark,
    I like this particular piece both ways. Sometimes you NEED the haiku form for the beauty of it, but this works as a simple line as well without the addition of small hours.
    I almost always "construct" my words.
    I have something up now. You can see what I mean if you stop in.
    I still don't call the words I string together poems. [grins] I call them "sensual sentences" even though a couple have been published on a poetry site.
    Lovely piece. It brought back fun summer memories.

    Karen :0)

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  4. My 2 cents - I like the full three lines here. It unfolds nicely, and I laughed at the end. Excellent.
    -Kyle

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  5. I think the three lines work well, the first brings our focus in close, then the shift from the second to the third gives us a pleasant surprise.

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